How to RICKY Your RUBIO:
1. Sorry guys, Ricky is only for the girls. As much as I am for marriage equality, humanity can not yet handle the world-wide boner bomb the supreme twink-itude of Grubio (that would be a hypothetical gay Rubio).
2. Now ladies, if you love to party and chill V.I.P., you need not apply. Ricky has been partying since he was born, he’s from Spain! Maybe he’s from Barcelona (I think I heard that), and I bet he knows a hard trance DJ who plays in Ibiza. I bet the Olympics were pretty awesome and had huge ragers, and guess what, that was when he was 14. The guy is a pro, not just as a b-baller, but as a real party animal. What Ricky needs is a lady who can cook him a real meal (protip: know how to whip up some authentic tapas), and has his ice bath drawn for when he gets home from the game (protip: hammies get sore, take a massage course). If you have a voracious sexual appetite and don’t mind completely boundary-crossing-mind-melting sex, while still having a lust for big-time sensuality and tenderness, Ricky is your quintessential Spanish lover. Big props to him there. No ho’s, he’s on a lo-ho diet.
In summation, if you can charge his PSP for road trips, don’t mind his relationship with Kevin Love (they are something called beard brothers, which involves hair transplants), and are into wild, I mean REALLY wild erotic adventures, YOU COULD CATCH A RUBIO.
3. The third option involves obtaining genetic materiel, through clever manipulation of a mosquito, which is locked away in petrified amber, and extracting the fossilized DNA to create exact genetic copies of Ricky to populate a grand experimental theme park on an island that you open only to your niece and nephew and a few specially chose scientist (plus one lawyer), which someone then goes and makes terribly wrong resulting in the loosing of one tyrannosaurus Rubio, and somehow Jeff Goldblum realizes the Rubio’s are becoming female in light of an all male society.
